Uh...
Oh, I have to finish all this before...
Go and steam the tablecloths for tonight.
I'm going to paint over that water stain in the ceiling.
Huh!
Huh? Oh.
Like, this afternoon?
- Five minutes! - What?
Which paint did you use?
Joy is here? Go set the table. He must be hungry.
We talk later?
Hey, hey!
Thank you for doing this.
You look really pretty right now.
Oh, you like this...
...this hot Mormon look?
I'm just telling you now in case my mom says
something dumb like you're fat or whatever.
I thought you said when she says
shit like that, it means she cares.
Hi, Evelyn.
- Mrs Wang! - Hey, Mom.
I only cook enough food for three people.
Now I have to cook more.
It's Joy. She brought Becky.
- Hi! - Hi, honey!
Hi, Mr Wang!
Hi, Becky! Thank you for coming.
Please call me Waymond. Here, sit.
You know, he doesn't have to stay.
Who's he?
- Becky. - Becky's a she.
You know me.
I always mix up 'he', 'she'.
In Chinese, just one word - 'ta' - so easy.
And the way you two are dressed,
I'm sure I'm not the only one calling him 'he'.
I mean her 'him'. Ugh!
Anyways, my English is fine and we have Google.
So you don't have to come and be a translator.
You stay here.
And she can go.
Look, I honestly think it's weird, OK?
But Becky wants to help. Right, Becky?
I always learn something when I hang out with the elderly.
Old people are very wise.
Hmm. It's OK.
We'll take Gong Gong with us to the meeting.
Uh, you and Becky stay here and decorate. Hmm?
Where is he? When can I meet him?
Huh! Customers.
Eat fast.
- Mom. - What?
Mom, just wait.
Wait? Wait? No time to wait today.
Just please...
Joy, any other time, I beg you to come and eat
or call me or anything, but today very busy.
Mom, this is literally what it's always like.
Wrong white paint!
I know you haven't always liked Becky, OK, but...
I like Becky. She is very nice.
You are very lucky...
She's half Mexican.
Ugh!
- Huh! - No shoes in washer.
Broken, you pay, yeah?
But Gong Gong, his heart cannot take it,
especially after such a long flight.
You want him to come all the way from China to die like that?
He's not gonna die.
Ooh!
- How can I help you? - Just hold on. I can't hear you.
- Just hold on. - How can I help you?
I'm here to pick up some shirts.
- I called, like, three times. - Give me your ticket.
- Mmm-hmm, yeah. - I find for you.
- No, I have the ticket. - Babe...
She's just asking for it 'cause that's, like,
the way that it works.
They don't read minds.
Then hang up! Thank you.
We've been together for three years.
Don't you think Gong Gong would want to know?
Let him enjoy his party tonight.
Yeah, you think Becky's gonna get through
the whole party without introducing herself...
- Evelyn! - Have you met Becky?
Guess whose $20 got eaten by the machine again.
Waymond! Customers need you!
Alright, coming!
Evelyn, you know, my wife used to wear
that exact same perfume, God rest her soul.
Are you coming to the party tonight?
Yeah, I got my ticket right here.
Sorry. It was too crowded here so I moved some upstairs.
I think the clothes are happier there.
See? They're happier here.
No more Google eyes!
Mom, can we please talk about Becky?
I still don't know what his brain is thinking.
Can Becky come tonight or not?
- Stop changing the subject. - I'm not.
You know, it's like our auditor.
She is a terrible person.
She keeps targeting the Chinese in the community.
You know, two years of meetings,
she puts a lien on our laundromat.
And you know what your father does?
He brings her cookies.
Every day I fight, I fight.
I fight for all of us.
Every day is a battle here.
Oh, your father, he doesn't care about the way things are...
I try to make our lives easier and more simple.
You should have told me earlier.
That's really impressive.
Evelyn, you have to see Rick dance.
Look, he knows all of the moves.
Becky, I'll fucking kill myself.
He wants to be an actor, just like you did.
♪ Just put your hand
♪ In my hand... ♪
♪ And we'll spin through eternity
♪ Life can be so delicious
♪ Delicious... ♪
Ah! I love this!
- Hey! - Rick, you're so terrific.
I know. I just...
I just don't know how to be any fucking clearer.
It's like she can choose -
either you come to the party with me
and Gong Gong is eternally ashamed
until he forgets it all and then he dies
or you don't come with me and then he still dies.
What? Huh!
- What are you saying? - That was a joke.
Uh, that's not a very funny joke, honey.
- Hey, guys... - This is only $10.
I thought you people were very good with math.
- Next time I give you interest. - Evelyn?
Mom, Mom...
- Mom! Mom! - What?!
Huh!
Waymond! Waymond!
Huh?
Oh!
Uh...
Shit, how do you say it? Uh...
Oh!
Mom...
You know what? I'm actually not doing that.
It's like at this point I do not...
It was nice to meet you!
Hi! Give us five-star cleaning.
Also...
There is a Chinese New Year party tonight,
open to all the customers in the community.
Thank you.
- Please come and enjoy... - This is fine.
- ...the good food... - OK.
- ...and nice music, OK? - Alright.
I get you an invite. Moment... moment, please.
- Can you hear this right now? - Joy, wait! Please!
I have something to say to you!
What?
You...
...you have to try and eat healthier.
You are getting fat.
Evelyn?
Go, go, go, go!
OK!
If I have to think of one more thing today,
my head will explode.
You may be in grave danger.
There's no time to explain. Hold this.
Why are you doing this?
Pay attention.
When we leave this elevator, you can either turn left
towards your scheduled audit appointment
or you can turn right and go into the janitor's closet.
Why would I go into the janitor's...
Not now.
Why you download all these apps on my phone?
Breathe in.
You're gonna feel a slight pressure in your head.
Huh!
Hey, baby Joy!
You come back here!
Shut up!
You don't talk to your mother like this!
I'll talk to her how I fucking want!
Activation...
The moment you're situated in your meeting,
follow these instructions.
But, remember, no-one can know.
Don't even talk to me about this
because I won't remember.
- But I... - Shh.
Mental scan complete.
Talk to you soon.
Hello!
Mrs Wang?
Mrs Wang, are you with us?
Yes.
Of course. I am here.
- Just thinking. - Oh, OK.
Well, I was just hoping...
...that you could explain this.
This is a receipt.
My receipt.
Look, I...
...I was just hoping you could enlighten me
as to how, as a laundromat owner,
a karaoke machine
could constitute a business expense?
I am a singer.
- Of course you are. - It's true.
She has a beautiful voice. Oh!
Evelyn, sing a song for her.
- Shh! - No, no, please.
That will not be necessary.
But I will need a separate Schedule C
for each of these businesses
because based on what you're trying to deduct,
you're also a novelist and a chef.
Last time, you told me that...
Please.
...a teacher,
uh, and a singing coach
and a 'Watsu' technician.
I'm sorry. What... what is 'Watsu'?
It's a water massage.
What's a water massage?
Like... like for back pain.
You go get a water massage.
- Oh, you go? - Yes.
What's happening?
...like I'm talking to my ex-husband.
Like I said to you before, co-mingling of your...
- It's you messing with my head. - Shh!
- Don't shh me! - You got to relax your body.
Don't...
Calm down, please!
Calm down.
Relax your body in the other universe. Please.
..these deductions...
Go into auto-pilot.
You can't then deduct it if it's an off...
Good. Good.
They don't know you and I are in this universe yet
so, hopefully, I'll have some time to explain.
I am not your husband. At least not the one you know.
I am another version of him
from another life path, another universe.
I'm here because we need your help.
Very busy today. No time to help you.
Shh!
There is a great evil that has taken root in my world
and has begun spreading its chaos
throughout the many verses.
I have spent years searching
for the one who might be able to match
this great evil with an even greater good
and bring back balance.
All those years of searching have brought me here...
- Mrs Wang? - ..to this universe.
- Hello?! - To you.
I know it's a lot to take in right now...
Mrs Wang?!
Hello?
Look, I'm sure you have a lot on your mind,
but I cannot imagine anything mattering more
than the conversation we are now having
concerning your tax liability.
Uh, need I remind you that there is
already a lien on your property?
Repossession is well within our rights.
I know. I am paying attention.
Do you see these?
You don't get one of these
unless you've seen a lot of bullshit.
Excuse my French.
Now you may...
...only see a pile of boring forms and numbers,
but I see a story.
With nothing but a stack of receipts,
I can trace the ups and downs of your lives.
And it does not look good.
It does not look good.
- But... - Uh...
Sorry, my wife confuses her hobbies for businesses.
An honest mistake.
Oh! OK.
Well, with all of these, um...
..."honest mistakes,"
I mean, even if we don't charge you with fraud,
we'll most certainly have to fine you
for gross negligence.
You're always trying to confuse us
with these big words.
I thought you were going to bring
your daughter to help you translate.
- I am going to bring my... - Hey!
- Sorry. - Evelyn?
She was going to come...
Evelyn! Are you paying attention?
I cannot talk now.
She's too busy to help her parents?
Unless you can help me with my taxes.
What is "gross necklaces"?
I know you have a lot of things on your mind,
but nothing could possibly matter more
than this conversation we are having
right now concerning the fate
of every single world of our infinite multiverse.
Where's the respect for elders?
My dear Evelyn,
I know you.
With every passing moment,
you fear you might have missed your chance
to make something of your life.
I'm here to tell you
every rejection,
every disappointment has led you here
to this moment.
Don't let anything distract you from it.
Do you think this is funny?
So what will it be?
I'm thinking.
Our time here is up.
- They're going to kill us. - What?
You think you can give us more time so we can redo all this?
Do not worry, this is just a burner universe
we are using for communication.
Oh-oh-oh!
You will know when it is time to fight.
You want to redo? You're going to resubmit?
- I will be in contact soon. - Shh, shh, shh.
I think my other husband is messing up the audit.
Maybe we can look at all the receipts again and...
Evelyn! Trust no-one. Oh!
Oh, no, no. No, no, no. No...!
Oh, dear lord.
OK. Everything OK.
I think I forget something at home.
Uh, sit down.
I think I'm going to regret this.
You can go.
What?
You... you will have...
You will have until I leave the office tonight
to bring everything in, 6:00 p.m.
Last chance.
- Oh, tomorrow is better... - Thank you! Thank you!
Thank you. 6:00 p.m.
- Thank you so much. - Thank you for the cookies.
They look delicious.
Last chance!
Have a nice day.
Last chance.
Oh, no.
Evelyn! Evelyn!
So you know about this?
It was you. Like, you who was in the elevator.
I was in the elevator.
Come back next week.
I'm not ready to fight.
I am not ready to fight.
Maybe we don't have a choice.
What?
Switch shoes to what?
- Ow! Oh! - Evelyn?!
Someone call security!
What are you doing?
You told me to do it!
You said I would know when it is the time to fight!
She was coming after us.
Oh!
Oh, you have no idea, lady. Oh!
Assaulting an IRS agent?
You have no idea!
"Dissolution of marriage"?
Yes, I'm on the tenth floor.
No...
Your brother gets a divorce,
now you think divorce is OK?
I don't think it's OK!
We made a sacred promise.
I told you to stay low and out of sight.
Oh, now you're here?
Huh! Stop confusing me, coming and going.
- Stop it, stop it, stop... - Relax.
I'll get you out of this.
Stop coming here.
OK, folks. Everyone remain calm.
Oh, thank... thank God!
It's that one right there. The Chinese lady!
No! It's all his fault!
Right there, she assaulted me!
OK, I need you two to get on the ground
with your hands behind your heads.
OK, OK, OK.
Sir, please comply.
OK, whatever you're thinking about doing, don't do it.
Sir?
It's OK.
OK, sir. That's enough.
Oh!
Holy shit.
Hyah!
Oh!
Hey.
Oh, no, Craig! Fuck.
Arggh!
On your feet.
Who... What is happening?
I'm not the Waymond who wants to divorce you.
I'm the Waymond who is saving your life.
Now, you can either come with me
and live up to your ultimate potential
or lie here and live with the consequences.
I want to lie here.
Hey, hey, hey.
No, no! Put me down! No, no!
Citizens of the 4,655th Thetaverse,
you are about to be graced
by the presence of our sovereign leader,
Jobu Tupaki.
Now let me assure you of one thing.
Just like the rest of your miserable lives,
this is nothing more
than a statistical inevitability.
Duck.
Duck...
Jobu Tupaki
has seen all and knows all.
She knows what makes you tick,
on what fragile branches your self-worth rests.
This one.
Hang on.
Don't die yet, alright, buddy?
Ugh.
It's not her.
...police are looking for all information.
This is a developing story.
- What we do know... - They might be close.
We do have unconfirmed photos of the suspects.
An unidentified man
went berserk at the regional office
for the Internal Revenue Service in Simi Valley this morning.
Police aren't releasing any information...
- Is that where your parents are? - This is a developing story.
- But we do have unconfirmed... - Are you OK?
...photos of the suspects.
- If you recognise them... - Hey!
- Are you OK? - ..help identify them.
Joy?
If you recognise these two,
police are seeking help identifying the assailants.
My husband won't even kill a spider.
How can you be the same person?
You underestimate how the smallest decisions
can compound into significant differences over a lifetime.
Every tiny decision creates
another branching universe, another...
Were you not paying attention before?
Of course. You're just very bad at explaining...
Shh!
Don't push me!
Oh, my God! We have to go back.
We forgot my father!
Don't worry. We're monitoring him. He's safe.
- I don't know. Are you sure? - Yes.
Hey, look, come on!
Look, this is your universe,
one bubble floating in the cosmic foam of existence.
Every surrounding bubble has slight variations.
But the further away you get from your universe,
the bigger the differences.
This is where I am from, The Alpha verse.
The first universe to make contact with the others.
You can call me Alpha Waymond.
In this world,
you were a brilliant woman.
In your search to prove
the existence of other universes,
you discovered a way to temporarily link
your consciousness to another version of yourself,
accessing all of their memories,
their skills, even their emotions.
Like you with the fanny pack?
Exactly. It's called Verse Jumping.
"Verse Jumping."
I need you to learn how to do it right now.
Right now?!
It may be our only chance of getting out of here alive.
Two guards coming this way.
On my signal, try to blend in.
Why don't you get your Evelyn to do this?
My Evelyn is dead.
Go! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, what is going on?
Help us! Help us!
How did I die?
I've seen you die a thousand ways,
in a thousand worlds.
In every single one, you were murdered.
What? Why would anybody want to kill me?
She's an omniversal being with unimaginable power,
an agent of pure chaos,
with no real motives or desires.
- Jobu Tupaki. - You're just making up sounds.
Shh!
We need another exit.
So let her destroy the other bubbles.
You said there are so many of them.
Maybe it's OK if we lose some,
but just leave me out of it.
It's not so simple.
She's been building something.
We thought it was some sort of black hole.
But it appears to consume
more than just light and matter.
We don't know exactly what it is.
We don't know what it's for.
But we can all
feel it.
You've been feeling it too, haven't you?
Something is off.
Your clothes never wear as well the next day.
Your hair never falls in quite the same way.
Even your coffee tastes...
...wrong.
Our institutions are crumbling.
Nobody trusts their neighbour anymore.
And you stay up at night wondering to yourself...
How can we get back?
This is the Alphaverse's mission -
to take us back to how it's supposed to be.
But that begins with finding the one
who can stand up to Jobu's perverse shroud of chaos.
And you think it's me?
Why else would we risk everything
to get you out of here?
Oh, there you are.
Oh, Miss Deirdre!
I'm sorry I punched you, but...
Look.
I think I finally understand why...
What is she doing?
Verse Jumping. Run!
- Come on. - Oh!
Go! Go! Go!
She jumped somewhere. Brute force.
The sumo wrestler?
- Body builder? - Doesn't matter.
Counter with someone agile.
On your perimeter, we've got a break dancer, mime...
- A gymnast. - Give me gymnast!
- Go! - Calculating route.
OK, some paper cuts, four of them.
One between each finger.
Paper cuts only happen when you aren't trying.
It's impossible.
Probability - 1 in 8,000.
It's the strongest jumping pad we have.
- What are you doing? - Come on, come on.
There we go, one.
- There's two. - Ooh.
- Ugh! - Three.
Alright, come on, come on, come on. Stick with me.
Come on.
Four! There it is.
OK, come on, jump!
Huh!
Is that pro wrestling?
She's going for a back breaker!
- She's gotta run. - No.
She can jump, somewhere she can fight.
She's not ready.
A jump like that would fry most people.
She's not most people.
Damn, what a weak body.
- Hello? - Evelyn!
Can you hear me?
You're going to have to Verse Jump.
Verse Jump?
Hello?
Concentrate on a universe
in which you studied martial arts.
OK, I'm locking in.
Calculations complete.
"Profess your love."
You're gonna have to profess your love to Deirdre.
- No way. - It's your jumping pad.
It's like eating the chap stick or switching shoes.
We developed an algorithm that calculates
which statistically improbable action
will place you in a universe
on the edge of your local cluster,
which then sling shots you to the desired universe.
That doesn't make any sense!
Exactly.
The less sense it makes, the better.
The Stochastic Path Algorithm is fuel led by random actions.
Tell her you love her and mean it.
Are there any other jumping pads?
The next best paths are break your own arm or take a nap.
You're not sleepy, are you?
I love you.
Jumping pad failure.
Evelyn, wait! No!
No.
She's in a local divergent universe.
No, no, no.
She's gone home...
...to finish the taxes.
Ah!
This doesn't make any sense.
Think about it.
...you always get pulled away.
Waymond!
I'm sorry, Evelyn.
- Huh? - I need to go.
What?
I need to find the right Evelyn.
And this one,
it's not the one.
No! No. Wait, let me try again!
Alpha Waymond?
Evelyn?!
- Oh. - Huh?
Ah! What's happened to my hand?
Go, go, go, go!
Evelyn, your face.
You just left me.
You just left me!
Waymond...
Miss Deirdre?
- I love you! - What?
I love you!
No, no!
I love you!
I love...
Evelyn!
Cut, cut, cut, cut!
Oh, I'm so happy to be here today.
- Evelyn! - Evelyn!
Evelyn!
Oh!
Why did you... How?
It was beautiful.
Waymond.
We better keep moving.
Now you've definitely got Jobu's attention. Come on.
Stay calm.
Your brain is under an incredible amount of stress.
No, let me finish talking with my husband.
He needs to know how good my life could have been.
- Evelyn! Evelyn! - Evelyn!
- Ow! - Are you with me?
I thought I was disconnected.
Why was I still there?
Your mind, it's like a clay pot holding water.
Every jump opens another crack,
causing things to leak through.
With training, you will learn to reseal these cracks.
Eat. You need energy.
Cream cheese.
Mmm!
In my universe, the cattle were killed off.
One of the many things we've lost
in our war against Jobu.
Oh, my God.
What if...
...what if I want to go back?
What if I want to go back to the other universe?
Shut it down! Shut it down, you hear me!
- Come back! - OK! OK! OK!
I... I'm back!
Listen, you're only using
the other worlds to acquire special skills.
Do you understand?
If you fall for their temptations,
you invite contradiction, chaos.
The clay pot could shatter and you could die, or far worse.
What can be worse than death?
We should keep moving until reinforcements come.
No, no, no!
Enough of your clay pots, cream cheese, no cows.
Explain it all to me now.
You're right.
In the Alpha verse,
we began training many young minds to Verse Jump.
But there was one who was far and above the most gifted.
Our little explorer.
You saw her potential...
...so you pushed her
beyond her limit.
Warning. Unstable.
Though the overloaded mind usually dies,
instead her mind was fractured.
Warning. Unstable.
Mind fracturing.
Now her mind experiences every world,
every possibility,
at the same exact time,
commanding the infinite knowledge
and power of the multiverse.
Now she's seen too much,
lost any sense of morality,
any belief in objective truth.
What does she want?
No-one knows.
All we know
is she's looking for you.
Hey, you said I was the wrong one.
What you did back there, it changed my mind.
You were incredible.
Waymond.
Of course.
Evelyn! Come back!
Evelyn! Jump to another combat universe!
- Huh? - Try peeing yourself!
- Pee? - It's always a good jumping pad!
Come on, wake up! Wake up!
What did you do to me?
Did you staple something to my forehead?
No! I didn't do anything. You did it yourself!
- Did we call for backup? - I did not do it to myself!
- Did you call? - It has blood on it!
We've detained the assailants. No backup was requested.
You guys are wasting a trip up. Copy?
Oh, no! She found us.
I said, do you copy?
Clear them.
♪ Rainy day... ♪
♪ Go far away... ♪
Joy?
Why do you look so stupid?
Ma'am.
You and... your pig can't be here.
♪ Lonely nights... ♪
Is it that I can't be here...
...or that I'm not allowed...
- Huh! - ..to be here?
Hey!
OK...
Hands where I can see them.
See, I can physically be here.
But what you meant to say
is you're not allowing me to be here.
Hands behind your back. Come on.
Waymond!
You're going to make me walk through you?
Yeah, cute. I can't let you do that either.
Yeah, again with the 'can't'!
See, I don't think you understand
the meaning of that word.
- See, I can walk through you. - Officer down!
- No, no! Don't shoot. - Hands on your head.
Like this?
- Waymond. Wake up! Wake up! - Daddy!
Oh, no!
Oh, shit.
- Ugh! - Oh!
- No! - Oh, no!
Don't worry, Evelyn.
- No, no! Oh, God! - It's...
Mmm! Organic.
Arggh...!
Oh, my God.
You...
You're Juju Toobootie.
The "Great Evil" Waymond was talking about is...
...in my Joy?
Don't engage.
She can't be reasoned with.
Oh...
It's you.
You're the reason my daughter
doesn't call anymore,
why she dropped out of college
and gets tattoos.
Aww!
You...
...are why she thinks she is gay.
Ah!
I'm so sorry.
You're still hung up on the fact
that I like girls in this world?
The universe...
...is so much bigger than you realise.
Huh?
OK!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Stop!
- Huh! - Don't make me fight you.
I am really good.
I don't believe you.
OK, OK.
Nice.
You peed yourself.
No, Evelyn, you're not locked in!
Oh!
Hmm.
Where did she jump?
Um, she's off the damn map.
♪ Flap your hands
♪ My hands... ♪
She appears to be in a universe
where everyone has...
...hot dogs instead of fingers.
I mean, it just doesn't matter
how many times I see it, I'm so moved.
Oh, you stop it!
An evolutionary branch
in the anatomy of the human race?
A jump like that
would've fried most people.
Like I said...
...she's not most people.
Don't... Why are you treating me like this?
One minute, you're so warm,
then one minute, you're cold and awful.
This is crazy!
You're starting to get it.
Where are you gonna go?
Ugh!
You know, of all the Evelyns I've seen...
...you're definitely one of the more interesting ones.
What do you want from me?
Here.
Let me help you open up your mind, huh?
Hmm?
- Oh! - Here.
Open up.
It's OK.
Take a peek.
Oh, shit.
What is that?
I got bored one day
and I put everything on a bagel.
Everything.
All my hopes and dreams, my old report cards,
every breed of dog,
every last personal ad on craigslist.
Sesame.
Poppy seed.
Salt.
And it collapsed in on itself.
'Cause, you see, when you really put
everything on a bagel,
it becomes this.
Come on. Run, Evelyn.
The truth.
What is the truth?
Nothing...
...matters.
No, Joy.
You don't believe that.
Feels nice, doesn't it?
If nothing matters...
...then all the pain and guilt you feel
for making nothing of your life...
...it goes away.
♪ Sucked
♪ Into
♪ A bagel. ♪
No!
Ah Ba?
I'm not your father.
At least not the one you know.
I am Alpha Gong Gong.
- Huh! - Not you too!
Sir, what are you doing here?
We need to go. Just follow me.
Sir, I have this under control.
Again, you deliberately disobey me
and cause another mind to be compromised.
And now you know what we must do.
No! Please.
She's unlike anything we've seen.
She could finally stop Jobu Tupaki.
You mean the monster that is inside my daughter?
Well, why didn't you tell me about it earlier?
What else are you Alpha people not telling me?
Did you see her dance that man to death?
There is no way I am the Evelyn you are looking for.
No, I see it so clearly.
See what?
I'm no good at anything.
Exactly.
I've seen thousands of Evelyns,
but never an Evelyn like you.
You have so many goals you never finished,
dreams you never followed.
You're living your worst you.
I cannot be the worst. What about that hot dog one?
No. Can't you see?
Every failure here branched off into a success
for another Evelyn in another life.
Most people only have a few significant
alternate life paths so close to them.
But you, here,
you're capable of anything
because you're so bad at everything.
What good is all that power when her mind
is already succumbing to that chaos, huh?
Hello?
Hello? Mom, Dad? What's going on?
No. Do not answer her.
It's one of her tricks.
Sir, our readings indicate it's not Jobu Tupaki.
But if she's not here...
Oh, shit!
Do not engage! Run! Run!
Watch these two here while I deal with Jobu.
I'm not risking the safety of the Alpha verse for this.
Get us as far away from Joy as you can.
- Why? - I'll be back. I promise.
No, no, no, wait. Why don't you...
Huh?
- Hello? - Joy?
- No, no... That's not... - Joy's here!
- No, no, no, that's not Joy. - Hello?
- Joy? Joy, I'm coming. - Let me in.
OK, be patient! This is heavy.
- Joy, why are you here? - I have no fucking clue!
- Hey, gentle language! - Just what is going on?
I'm sure there's a very good explanation for all of this...
What the fuck, Mom?!
What the fuck are you doing?
But... she's too powerful.
Are we all having a stroke?
You are like puppets. You know? Puppets?
You can do things you normally cannot do.
It's like that movie.
Um, you... you... That movie...
OK, what are you talking about?
- A movie? - 'Raccaccoonie'!
- What? - Huh?
'Raccaccoonie', you know?
The one with the chef...
And he makes bad food. Phooey.
And then this raccoon sit on his head,
ooh, control him, and then he cooks good food.
Do you mean 'Ratatouille'?
'Ratatouille'? I like that movie.
No. No, no, no, no, no. 'Raccaccoonie'!
With the raccoon.
- OK... - Raccoon?
Everybody, stop making up sounds!
So there's a raccoon Joy, and there's a raccoon me?
And they are controlling us?
Yeah, from the other universes.
- Oh. OK. - That's very funny, Evelyn.
OK, it sounds a little bit ridiculous, but it's true.
I swear to God, you...
You are macho man.
- I like that! - Oh, yeah.
Hey, honey, don't worry.
- Daddy will get you out of this. - Ah Ba?
Quickly, while she is distracted.
- No. - It's only protocol.
It gives her one less universe to access.
God...
- Can you... - Oh, it's Becky.
Hi, Becky. Hold on.
How do you expect to defeat her in every universe
if you can't even kill her in one?
Hey, babe.
She's your granddaughter.
How do you think I feel?
But this is a sacrifice
that is necessary to win the war.
OK, there we go.
You must do it.
Go.
Yeah, my mom taped me to a chair.
Uh, because of raccoons.
- OK, be patient. - Yeah, it's a long story.
- Daddy's trying to... - It's been a day.
Mom?
I don't like this at all.
What are you...
...what are you doing?
Hey! I almost had it.
Oh, come on!
You are already under her spell.
Holy shit! Holy shit, he has a gun!
Everyone, stay calm!
I think it's time for a family discussion!
It's OK, it's OK, it's OK.
I won't let you kill her.
Don't you see what is happening to your mind?
In my universe,
you pushed your own daughter too hard until you broke her.
You...
...you created Jobu Tupaki.
When did he get so good at English?
Now I must stop you.
Otherwise, it's only a matter of time
before you become just like her.
Just like her?
- Huh? - What the fuck are you doing?
Evelyn, I don't think now is a good time to dance!
Baba,
I know you don't agree with me,
but this is something I have to do.
- What the... - That sounds weird.
No, no, no...
- OK. - Wait!
You don't know where you'll jump.
Enough!
Warning. Unstable.
Please.
I cannot lose another loved one to the darkness.
- Warning. Unstable. - Don't worry. You won't.
Hey, uh, clean up in there, alright?
Here. Oh!
Where did she jump?!
Sorry, Ah Ba.
- Whoa! - OK!
- Come on, come on, come on! - Jesus, Mom!
- That way! - Oh, no!
- Oh, my God! - Come on, come on!
- Oh! - No!
Warning, mind fracturing.
Send every Jumper with a counterpart in the area.
Now!
Once again, the Alpha verse finds itself
as the last line of defence against total chaos.
Be brave. This Evelyn is as stubborn as the others.
She has given us no choice.
We must kill her before she becomes another Jobu Tupaki.
- Joy. - Oh, what?
Joy... Joy...
I know you have these feelings,
feelings that make you so sad.
That makes you just... just want to give up.
It's not your fault.
Not your fault.
I know.
It's... it's her.
Juju Chewbacca.
She has your soul...
...in the palm of her hand.
What are you talking about?
The only way I can defeat her to save you...
...is to become like her.
Evelyn!
Your daughter is beyond saving.
And soon you will be too.
Your time is up.
Find your jumping pads.
♪ Ave Maria... ♪
Mom? Mom?
I think you're pushing things too far.
Or not far enough.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Evelyn?
- Ugh! - Oh, my God.
Oh!
What are you doing?!
Mom!
Arggh!
Ohh!
Holy... shit.
Is he dead?
See, not dead. Go!
- That's definitely not... - Hurry up, please. Go quick!
OK, come on, guys.
Dad, go!
Oh, my God.
Does my baby want to go for a walk?
Yow!
No!
Oh, Johnny! Oh!
Orange soda?
- Huh? - What is she doing?
I think when she does something weird
it helps her fight, it gives her power.
Sorry, baby.
Ask her for another one.
No! Johnny!
Fried egg?
You... bitch.
Go!
Huh?
Oh...
Evelyn, if you don't step up,
I'm giving some of your shifts to Chad.
Yeah!
- Oh, my God! - Oh, good one!
I got a picture!
Go.
Stop...
- Huh? What happened? - You stop!
I think they lost their...
- Stop it! - ..powers?
Sir?
I am gonna need another jumping pad.
Received information. Over.
I think she needs to do something weird again.
What's he doing?
Oh, my God. He's trying to stick it in his butt.
No!
- No, no, no! - Ah... No!
Ah, Evelyn, do jumping jacks!
That's not weird at all.
Um... Slap him!
No, no, no, no!
Mom, just blow on his nose!
What?
It'll make him involuntarily
scream and do weird noises.
Trust her, Evelyn! It's really weird.
Wow, Mom is really good.
Huh!
Sorry.
Oh!
Arggh!
Ahh!
Reaching mental capacity.
Holy shit!
- Ow! - I'm sorry, Evelyn.
- Mind fracturing. - We'll die together.
Pinky... Arggh!
- Get her. I see her. - Let's go!
Evelyn!
Evelyn. Evelyn!
Whoa, whoa!
No need to explain.
I have been watching you.
You're back!
Did you see how good I am?
I'm gonna do it.
I am going to defeat that Jobu Tupaki.
Hey. You got her name right.
Evelyn, what you're doing is crazy, reckless.
Your stupid plan to somehow save your daughter
has managed to piss off everyone in the multiverse.
But it just might work.
What? What?
I only wish I could be there
to see you finish this.
What do you mean, you don't see me finish?
I'm grateful
that chance was kind enough
to let us have these last few moments together.
Alpha Waymond?
What happened?
Was I Raccoon Waymond again?
Raccoon Waymond is dead.
Is that Raccoon Joy?
Am I getting it?
I can to stop you, Jobu...
...now that I am reaching my full potential.
Oh, you still can't see what's happening.
No, I see clearly.
More clearly than ever before.
Oh, my God! Evelyn.
Oh, my God!
Damn it. So close.
Evelyn? Evelyn?
Please help her.
I'll see you again soon.
♪ Somewhere out there
♪ In all that noise... ♪
Don't leave! Help her, please!
Help! Help!
Where is she?
Where's our daughter?
Daughter?
♪ We're family
♪ We're a family
- ♪ Culinarily -CHAD: ♪ Culinarily
♪ Now we're cooking... ♪
- Oh, Raccaccoonie. - ♪ When nobody's lookin'... ♪
I don't know what I'd do without you.
Raccaccoonie?
Yeah, we make a pretty good team.
♪ Culinarily... ♪
- Oh, no! - Uh...
You... you can't tell anyone.
She's seen too much. You know what that means.
- Get her! Get her! - No, no, I'm begging you.
- No, no! - Get her! Get her!
- No, I... No. No! - Please.
- Get her! - Just go! Just go!
What do you want?
I want you.
No!
Stop that!
Oh!
- Oh! - Stay back!
This is wrong!
- This is wrong! - What? It's not wrong!
I... I'm late.
I can think of whatever nonsense I want and somewhere...
I did it.
Huh?
Don't forget these cookies.
Miss Deirdre really likes them.
Come on.
Hi, Mrs Wang.
Hey, Mom. So, about this morning...
- Enough with your tricks. - What?
- I know you're in there. - Whoa.
- Get out of my daughter. - OK!
Mom, are you already drunk?
- Hey, Becky. - Mmm-hmm?
Can you go help my dad with the party?
Now?
- Yeah. - Go, Becky.
Go. Go.
Thanks, babe.
You see it all, don't you?
You can see
how everything...
...is just a random rearrangement
of particles in a vibrating superposition.
I have no idea what you are talking about.
But I can do this.
Huh?
But you see...
...how everything we do...
Huh?
...gets washed away in a sea
of every other possibility?
You're everywhere.
You're like me.
That's right.
I'm the one you're looking for.
I'm the one who's going to defeat you.
OK.
Hit me.
Punch my face.
Oh...
Oh! Ow! Ow!
- Oh, stop! - Wow.
Hi, Dad.
We're... we're just practising karaoke for tonight.
♪ La-la-la! ♪
I will take care of it!
- She'll take care of it, Dad. - Go.
- Honey, you OK? - It's OK.
- Go! - Yeah, I just fell on the couch.
Go!
OK.
Oh.
- Ow... - He's so sweet.
OK.
Hey, hey, buddy!
If you don't want to fight me, then...
- Why? - Why what?
What... what's all this for?
Why was I looking for you?
Yeah.
Sit down.
Sit down, grab a snack,
make yourself comfortable, huh?
- Oh, hey, you OK? - OK.
Mmm. We can speed this up.
Sit on the crack.
Sit on the crack of the couch, OK?
Get comfortable.
Bagel.
Please, I don't care about the bagel.
I don't care about the Alpha verse.
I only care about my Joy.
Give me back my daughter
and I'll leave you alone forever.
Sorry! No can do.
Why not?
I am your daughter. Your daughter is me.
Every version of Joy is Jobu Tupaki.
- You can't separate us. - No.
I have felt everything your daughter has felt.
And I know the joy...
...and the pain of having you as my mother.
Then you know I would do...
Only do the right thing for her, for you.
'Right' is a tiny box invented by people who are afraid
and I know what it feels like to be trapped inside that box.
Mom...
No, it's not like that.
It's Gong Gong.
He's a different generation.
You don't have to hide behind him anymore.
You should feel relieved.
The bagel will show you the true nature of things.
You'll be free from that box, just like me.
No, no, I'm not like you.
You're young and your mind is always changing.
I still know who I am.
You have no idea what you've done.
You're stuck like this forever.
No, I'm going back with my Joy,
to my family, to live my life.
A happy life.
OK.
Good luck with that.
Thank you so much for coming.
Thank you. Thank your father.
All this time...
...I wasn't looking for you so I could kill you.
I was just looking for someone who could see what I see.
Feel what I feel.
And that someone...
...is you.
Evelyn!
- You're alive! - Impossible.
- Hello? - Mrs Wang?
Where... where are you?
I mean, to not even show up for your appointment?!
Shut up.
What did you just say?
I said shut up.
You don't matter.
Whatever I did, I'm sorry.
Nothing matters.
Mrs Wang!
You are gonna be in serious trouble!
Do you understand?
For you to disrespect...
Happy New Year!
Another year, hmm?
Pretending we know what we're doing,
but, really, we're just going around in circles.
Doing laundry and taxes,
and laundry and taxes.
- No more running. - Excuse me.
Where are the owners? Oh.
There you are. Mr and Mrs Wang.
You have left me no option but to authorise the seizure
of your personal and your business assets.
- You have to vacate... - Wait, Evelyn!
It's just so good, you know?
What are you doing? No! No!
My God, Chad, I told you she couldn't be trusted!
Evelyn, please! Calm down.
..within 48 hours or...
Everything...
Ugh!
What are you doing?
Not a single moment will go by
without every other universe
screaming for your attention.
Never fully there.
Just a lifetime of...
No, no!
...fractured moments.
Raccaccoonie!
..contradictions and confusion...
- Get off me! - Chad, don't forget about me.
Here are the papers.
- Oh! Oh, officer? - OK, OK.
...with only a few specks of time
where anything actually makes any sense.
I've always hated this place.
Raccaccoonie!
Chad!
Get off me! Get off!
Evelyn, why?!
Do you know why I actually built the bagel?
It wasn't to destroy everything.
It was to destroy myself.
I wanted to see if I went in, could I finally escape?
Like, actually die.
At least this way...
...I don't have to do it alone.
You're not listening.
This is out of my league...
Judge Brenner signed...
Well, excuse me! Excuse me, Mr Wang.
Every person I know is going through a hard time.
- It's a hard time... - Evelyn!
Come back.
My silly husband.
Probably making things worse.
Ignore it.
OK, you can let her go.
You, let her go. It's OK. Yes!
Thank you.
How? That's impossible.
It's just a statistical inevitability.
It's nothing special.
I don't know.
I just talked to her.
Please!
Can we... can we just stop fighting?
I know you are all fighting
because you're scared and confused.
I'm confused too.
All day...
...I don't know what the heck is going on.
But somehow...
...this feels like it's all my fault.
I don't know.
The only thing I do know...
...is that we have to be kind.
Please.
Be kind...
...especially when we don't know what's going on.
Hey, Evelyn!
Bagel.
Evelyn...
You can still turn around and avoid all this.
Please...
...be kind.
It's too late, Waymond.
Don't say that.
Did you see that?
Ooh! Ooh-ooh! Ooh!
- Huh! Found it! - Check this!
What song is this?
Thanks. Thank you for coming.
That's very funny.
- Yeah, that's it? - Yeah!
I'm sorry too.
Oh!
So cute!
Come on, Evelyn.
Come on.
Oh.
I get it.
Feeling a good thing.
You got your hopes up.
So I'm here to save you some time.
Eventually...
...that all just goes away.
..just goes away.
Come on.
I don't care if you come with me.
Enjoy your life.
Ugh!
Evelyn! Evelyn, please!
No more!
I don't want to hurt you.
Joy, come back with me.
Joy! Joy!
What did my silly husband say to you?
He told me about your situation.
I remembered when my husband served me papers.
I drove his Kia Forte through my neighbour's kitchen.
Huh!
But you know what I say?
It's called, "Unlovable bitches like us...
"..make the world go 'round."
Don't stop playing.
Play something for me.
That's not true.
- You're not unlovable. - You're not unlovable!
What are you talking about?
There is always something to love.
Even in a stupid, stupid universe
where we have hot dogs for fingers,
we'd get very good with our feet.
Oh!
- See? - OK.
I feel nothing.
I... I feel...
I feel...
Don't let her stop Jobu!
Open fire!
So stupid!
Evelyn?
What are you doing?
I'm learning to fight like you.
You know, Evelyn, my wife
used to wear that exact same perfume,
God rest her soul.
These are direct indications
that there's some impingement of the nervous system.
With a little bit of help,
we could be seeing things nice and straight.
You might feel a little sore,
but everything is looking pretty good.
Thank you.
Clean up in there, alright?
Hah!
You took everything away from me.
I'm sorry.
Raccaccoonie taught me so much!
I... I didn't even know
how to boil an egg
and he taught me how to spin it on a spatula.
I'm useless alone.
We're all useless alone.
It's a good thing you're not alone.
Oh!
Let's go rescue your silly raccoon.
Oh, we're gonna do it!
Arggh!
Oh-ho-ho!
Get out of the way!
Waymond!
See?
It's only a matter of time
before everything balances itself out.
- Come on, come on, come on! - I can't.
I'm sorry, Raccaccoonie! I'm sorry!
Evelyn, let her go.
But she turned out to be stubborn,
aimless, a mess.
Just like her mother.
But now I see.
It's OK that she's a mess.
Because just like me...
Huh.
Well, maybe you win in this universe,
but in another time...
...I beat you!
Ohh!
Or we tie!
Or we just...
...hang around.
OK, Joy, listen.
Because it's all just a pointless
swirling bucket of bullshit.
Huh!
That bagel is where we finally find peace, Evelyn.
Stop calling me Evelyn!
I
Am
Your
mother!
Ah Ba?
Seriously?
Can you please just...
...stop?!
Mom.
Just... just stop.
Good for you. You're figuring your shit out.
And that's great. I'm really, really happy for you.
But I'm...
...I'm tired.
I don't want to hurt anymore.
And for some reason when I'm with you, it just...
...it just hurts the both of us.
So let's just go our separate ways, OK?
Just let me go.
OK.
Wait.
You are getting fat.
And you never call me
even though we have a family plan.
- What? - And it's free.
You only visit when you need something.
And you got a tattoo and I don't care
if it's supposed to represent our family.
You know I hate tattoos.
And of all the places I could be,
why would I want to be here with you?
Yes, you're right.
It doesn't make sense.
Evelyn!
Let her finish.
Maybe it's like you said.
Maybe there is something out there,
some new discovery
that will make us feel
like even smaller pieces of shit.
Something that explains why
you still went looking for me
through all of this noise.
And why,
no matter what,
I still want to be here with you.
I will always...
...always...
...want to be here with you.
So what? You...
You're just gonna ignore everything else?
You could be anything, anywhere.
Why not go somewhere where your...
...where your daughter is more than just...
...this?
Here, all we get
are a few specks of time
where any of this actually makes any sense.
Then I will cherish
these few specks of time.
You push the button.
Yeah, there you go.
I feel like I'm 14.
Yeah.
You're a crazy woman!
Takes one to know one.
I'm sorry, Raccaccoonie! I'm sorry!
- What are you doing? - Grab my hair.
What did he say?
♪ We're a family... ♪
♪ Family... ♪
This is so awkward.
This is awkward, right?
Do you still want to do your party?
We can do whatever we want.
Nothing matters.
OK, we're definitely late now, guys.
Do you have to bring all these?
Mmm-hmm.
That needs to go in the bag too.
Taxes suck.
Thank you for the ride, Becky!
Hey, it's good.
Mmm-hmm. You got this, OK?
- Becky? - I'll call you after.
You need to grow your hair.
Wow.
I'll call you later!
Hurry, hurry!
I gotta pee. Hold on.
OK. Hurry.
OK. Yes.
I am happy to say I do think
things are better.
This is... this is an improvement.
And I'm glad that you listened.
But we have a problem
because you listened, but you didn't listen
and that has to do with the Schedule C.
You see, you did...
Evelyn! Did you hear me?
Sorry. What did you say?
♪ This is a life
♪ Free from destiny
♪ Not only what we sow
♪ Not only what we show
♪ Ooh
♪ This is a life
♪ Every possibility
♪ Free from destiny
♪ I choose you and you choose me
♪ Not only what we sow
♪ Every space and every time
♪ Not only what we show
♪ What we know
♪ This is a light
♪ Many lives that could've been
♪ Free from entropy
♪ Entangled for eternity
♪ Not only hands and toes
♪ Not only what we've known
♪ We find
♪ This life
♪ Somehow
♪ Alright
♪ This is a life
♪ Slow and sudden miracles
♪ View of other worlds
♪ From our windowsills
♪ With the weight
♪ Of eternity
♪ At the speed of light
♪ This is a life
♪ This is our life. ♪
♪ I love you, I love you
♪ I love you
♪ I love
♪ You
♪ Ohh! ♪